Having your period is a waking nightmare for a majority of menstruators. The lucky ones contend only with minor cramps and the regular purchasing or cleaning of supplies. But many unfortunate uterus-bearers suffer with gut-wrenching cramps, skull-splitting headaches, and other horrific symptoms for days (or weeks) each month.
If that was painful to read as the partner of a menstruator, imagine actually living through it. And yet these are the symptoms your beloved endures, often in silence, for fear of making you uncomfortable. If you’re a cis man and you’re reading this article, you’ve probably decided you’d like to help out. Here’s how you can be a better source of support to your menstruating partner.
1. Understand Their Symptoms
The physical symptoms of periods and PMS are numerous, uncomfortable, and sometimes excruciating. Your loved one could be experiencing cramps, breast tenderness, migraines, bloating, gastrointestinal distress, acne, fatigue, nausea and other symptoms. Emotionally, periods can cause everything from mild irritability or teariness to deep depression and wild mood swings.
Cramps deserve their own category, because a lot of men don’t really understand how they work. For some menstruators, they can feel like a dull muscle ache in the lower back or abdomen that’s annoying, but not unbearable. For others, it’s a persistent soreness, like the feeling you get in your stomach or lower back with a bad case of diarrhea.
Then, there’s a whole category of menstruators who suffer intense contractions from deep within the body. These may feel or be biologically similar to the contractions people have when they’re giving birth to a child. Cramps like this can leave a menstruator doubled over in pain, unable to stand, let alone walk, work, or function normally.
For menstruators with particularly painful or heavy periods, hormonal birth control can help make them lighter and less uncomfortable. Gently encouraging your partner to seek treatment is one way you can help them manage their symptoms. Some menstruators may also want help keeping their prescription stocked or remembering to take their pills on time (ASK first!).
2. Take a Load Off
To further assist your menstruating partner, start by offering them as much comfort as you can. This comfort can come in the form of both physical and emotional support, to varying degrees. For starters, let them feel comfortable and at ease talking to you about their periods. Don’t act grossed out by their symptoms or shut it down as a “woman’s issue.” Be a listening ear and do your best to empathize with their discomfort.
You can also offer all different kinds of help in easing their physical symptoms. Consider offering to pick up painkillers or serving them to your partner with a glass of water. You could draw a hot bath, warm up a heating pad, or tuck your partner into a set of sheets fresh from the dryer. For extra brownie points, pick up your partner’s favorite snacks and hand-deliver them to the bed or couch.
Whatever you do, don’t guilt trip your partner for taking extra time to rest before and during their period. Fatigue, nausea, and other symptoms can make it incredibly challenging to do anything else. Likewise, don’t be judgmental about their choice or quantity of preferred snacks. Period cravings are real, and it’s OK to lean on unhealthy foods for comfort.
While your partner is resting, help take a load off by handling household tasks they might normally do. Cook a hearty, nutritious dinner, wash the dishes, and take out the trash, if necessary. If you’re exhausted, worked a long day, or have other physical symptoms yourself, don’t sweat it. Picking up the phone to order a pizza can also be a sweet way to care for your partner.
3. Take Care of Supplies and Disposal
One of the most important — and sometimes most overlooked ways — men can help support partners on their periods involves supplies. Many men fear being seen in the feminine hygiene aisle, as if a tampon could somehow siphon off and soak up all their masculinity. By bearing the discomfort, you can make life so much easier for your partner and help defeat menstrual stigma in the process.
If you really want to help, learn your partner’s preferred brand, absorbency, and how much of each product to get each time. Pads and tampons are usually color coded and labeled, but you can also ask a store employee for assistance. Another clever technique is to bring a photo of the supplies on your phone and compare it to what you see on the shelves.
Even better, do the shopping beforehand and make sure supplies don’t run out before their period. Keep an eye on those bathroom drawers and cabinets, and add them to your list when it’s your turn to shop. Your partner likely already buys you plenty of things you regularly use but they don’t. It’s only fair if you do your part and give them the same courtesy.
If you don’t live together but your partner is staying with you, make sure you have a trash can in your bathroom. They need a close, convenient place to throw out used supplies. And they shouldn’t have to shuffle awkwardly to the kitchen to discard a wadded up pad under the sink. If you have a female guest staying with you regularly, you could keep some feminine hygiene items in stock. A multipack of tampons, a few pads, and wipes are a good place to start.
The Best Remedy is Empathy
Periods are hard, and men often don’t make them any easier by minimizing or joking about them to their partners. Take symptoms seriously, and try to imagine what it would be like if it were you. If you want to be a supportive partner, start by believing your menstruating sweetheart when they say it sucks. From there, you may not always get things exactly right, but trying means a lot.
