If you are reading this article, first I’d like to extend a big warm hug. I’m sorry for what happened between you and your partner. Others can only imagine how tough it must have been for you the past few days or weeks. Let’s face it–dealing with a breakup sucks, most especially if it was your very first relationship. You may find yourself immobile, in the same bra or shirt for days, and moping in your room without realizing it.
But let me be the first to tell you that despite what’s happening, it’s all going to be okay. And that is because you’re here. Reading this post is a sign that you are willing to receive help or find ways to recover. I think that’s the best first step–which itself is a huge deal, so, way to go! In this article, I aim to share with you five helpful ways to recover from a breakup.
Just a disclaimer, though: everything that I’ll be mentioning won’t be a surefire solution or formula for your life to get back to normal–or for things to instantly get better. Recovering from a breakup will require hard and disciplined choices (and a lot of tears). But that’s why I’m here to gently guide you through this process with some ideas that would hopefully help ease the pain and point you in the right direction. Are you ready? Let’s get started.
1. Remember Your Self-Worth
After every breakup, whether it was you or your partner who called it quits–and whether it lasted seven months or seven years–you will fall into this trap of questioning your self-worth. Relationships get messy and it’s normal for people in relationships to sometimes make mistakes. So, by now, you might already know some of your shortcomings. If at this point you still can’t believe the breakup, it would stop you from doing crazy and rash things if you remind yourself of your self-worth.
Perhaps your family and friends will be there to comfort you and help you cope, but right now, remember that the one person who can care for you best is YOU. Go out there, take a walk, and get some sunshine–it’s healthy! It will also clear your mind better than just being locked up in your room. If you have the resources, do what you can to feel good about yourself. Update your wardrobe, get an expensive haircut, treat yourself with an Emporio Armani watch as a symbol and promise that you won’t give up on yourself. Nothing may take away that heartbreak, but a little pampering goes a long way to keep what’s left of that confidence and self-worth intact.
2. Catchup With Old Friends
No man or woman is an island. With more time in your hands, this might be the perfect opportunity to set a coffee date or pull a beer pong night with old friends. I know you might be confident about having low-maintenance friends–or the type of friendships that can stand months or even years with no communication, yet manage to stay good friends with you. They are fun to have around because such friendships are less demanding than others.
But a lot of people who have gone through breakups would later get surprised when they find out that some of their friends feel neglected as soon as they enter romantic relationships. This is because not everyone can be a low-maintenance friend. Others might actually think that you like stay in touch only when you need them. That said, try to find out who among your friends you might have neglected over the years and months and try to apologize and reconnect with them. You’ll never know what life updates you’ve missed out on, and how much they have missed spending time with you.
Much yet after reconnecting, your old friends might even offer you their listening ears and the words of comfort that you need. Get in touch with those who care, whom you can trust, and whom you know can give sound advice because these friends will help you stay sane.
3. Reflect and Resolve Personal Issues
Your partner might have committed some mistakes which may have led to the breakup, but for this point of the article, let’s focus on you. I don’t know if you and your partner will ever get back together, but whether it was you who caused more damage or not, it would be for your growth as a person and as a partner if you take ownership of your mistakes.
If you don’t reflect and realize these mistakes now, chances are, they will resurface and become a pattern in your relationships later on. So, when you are able to make time to reflect, try to ask yourself. “What areas of my life do I need to work on?”
Are you being too possessive or constricting? Always over-promising or failing to live up to your word? Or is it a matter of honesty, or needing to work on transparency? Do you need to confront problems with cheating or being a flirt with other people? Or did you notice that you haven’t been meeting the needs of your partner the way you used to?
It can be a little challenging at first. You might even be in denial or have a few blindspots. If it gets to it that reflecting alone or with a trusted friend is not enough, it would be best to seek professional help. Rest assured that seeking psychiatric help or meeting a therapist doesn’t mean that you are crazy. It shows that you want to seek clarity and that you have the determination to address these areas of your life that need improvement. This is for your well-being and we all need a little sometimes. So, do things right for the future by reflecting on and resolving personal issues as early as now.
4. Forgive Yourself
Here is another thing that is quite hard to do, but is just as crucial. Your partner might never be able to forgive you, but it is something that you owe to yourself. Learning to forgive yourself will help you keep keeping on and trying new things.
Easier said than done but it’s worth the pain and effort. After soon accepting that you are human and that you are bound to make mistakes, it becomes much easier to move forward and remove unnecessary pressure to be perfect.
5. Find Someone New
In our society, getting a rebound relationship has a lot of negative connotations. People would tell you that it’s too soon to be back at dating again or that you have to follow a two-month rule–or a period when you don’t date anyone. It makes sense because it’s just to make sure that you don’t rush into someone new so impulsively, but did you know that rebound is real?
A book called The Expulsive Power of a New Affection by Thomas Chalmers says that a new and greater love can help anyone move on from a love of the past. If it’s true love and if it’s greater than the previous one, its power is expulsive. The new person can replace the former, and it won’t be stopped by any two-month rule. Given that you have resolved and confronted personal issues and patterns, and even sought professional help, any new love that you find can be unstoppable.
Go Easy on Yourself
Don’t be in a rush to heal and don’t be too hard on yourself. I assure you that the adjusting, the process of letting go, and the emotional exhaustion may take time. It’s normal. But don’t lose hope! You can focus on self–improvement and pampering, life reflections, and building stronger relationships with the people around you. That said, I hope this post has enlightened you on your road to recovery. Keep on keeping on and stay strong!